My heart is heavy as I write this post...maybe heavy is not the right word, because, that implies that my heart is whole, and it is most definitely not.
It's been one week since I had to say goodbye to my beloved Toby. He was a cat that I had for 11 years. He was so much more than a cat though...he really was a furry little human and didn't really behave like a typical cat. He was my best friend and has seen me through my entire adult life..good and bad..I got him when Pants and I started dating. He saw me through graduating, our relationship, moving away from home and in with Pants...the start of my adult life. My marriage, anniversaries, pregnancies, the birth of my babies....he was always a constant. He was and is a big piece of my heart. To say I am having trouble with his unexpected passing is not even close to describing what a mess I am. I knew he couldn't live forever but I really thought we had more time, but isn't that usually the way it goes? It was so sudden and with no warning, at the vet in November they told me he was healthy and they wouldn't have guessed his age! I miss him terribly, he was a huge part of my daily routine and it's the little things that set me off. The pet aisle at the store. Not having him on my bed at night. Going to feed him out of habit and not having a dish to fill. Little (big) things.
I am aware that most people simply don't understand. They think he was just a cat, or that I can get another cat. Reality is that is simply not true. Perhaps you think I'm a crazy cat lady, or that I'm overreacting, or maybe you have been in my shoes (if that is the case, I am SO sorry) either way, it isn't easy. It's been a hard couple months. We've overcome a lot and were back in a good place when he passed away. Why when it rains does it pour? It's a question I can't answer but... we are gonna keep on keepin on and remember the good, and soon, perhaps you will find us at the end of our rainbow...
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